i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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