Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
