I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize