I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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