I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
