please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
