Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
