he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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