let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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