I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
