First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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