All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
