I think i peed on brittanys purse
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
