NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I came so hard my ears popped.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
