I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Randomize
