I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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