Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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