please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
