so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
