That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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