youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You don't make any sense
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