i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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