well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize