I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
