proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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