We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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