one two three fourrrrnication!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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