The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
