people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
