I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
