I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Found the puke drawer
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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