i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize