Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
