Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
