Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You're a waste of cheezeits
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
