One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
