he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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