we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
