i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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