we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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