even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
