Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
