Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize