i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
