my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
