I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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