Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
