he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
