we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
