Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize