It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize