i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize