Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
