It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
