I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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