Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
