she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
