Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
