I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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