For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
