Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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