Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
