Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
