Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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