How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
