Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
