Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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