the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
