What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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