Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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