Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
