Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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