so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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