we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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