i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize