The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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