I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
